Life – What an exciting adventure!
In my life journey, I came to understand a very profound truth – we are all one. There is no separateness, even if it sure does seem like it, doesn’t it?! To be honest, that was a difficult concept for me at first – but when I finally got it (had that “aha” moment) I really got it. Just that one concept, transformed my life instantly! The meaning, the purpose, the unconditional love, the wisdom I had been seeking… there it was. Just like that.
When do you say enough is enough?
I was alone and bereft. My parents were both incredible people, but my mom was my best friend in the whole, entire world. She was my confidante, my biggest cheerleader, and she believed in me, even when I didn’t. To lose her while I was visiting her and we were making plans to write her memoirs, was extremely traumatic. I was inconsolable and suicidal.
After that my migraines started to get worse and more frequent and soon I was fired from my job. My back pain was agonizing, and I had had several seizures – one of which knocked me off the ladder and left me in the hospital with a smashed and cracked head. I was losing chunks of time to bad memory and couldn’t breathe due to COPD. I hated the pain. I hated my body, and worst of all, I hated myself. I was on so many drugs; my house looked like a pharmacy. Medications for migraines, epilepsy, pain, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, sleeping, depression, anxiety, COPD – the list goes on. The self-hatred and negative outlook started to take their toll – I was a shell.
I was going to die
On November 21, 2012, the day before Thanksgiving, something felt very different. The room was dark, dirty and depressing, and clothes were strewn everywhere because I hadn’t done laundry in quite a while. I stood up, walked to the mirror and took a good long hard look at myself. My teeth were in bad shape, my face was dull and sallow, I had deep wrinkles (when had that happened?), and my hair was falling out by the handful. I was a mess.
What was scarier was that I was having a hard time breathing normally, and my body seemed different – weaker. My lungs felt like balloons that couldn’t hold air, and they felt like they were sticky inside my chest. My heart would race and then it seemed to stop beating. It felt like my body was shutting down, and a feeling of cold dread and a deep fear took hold. I was going to die.
The irony is, after being suicidal for so long, it was in the moment when my body couldn’t hold outt anymore that I realized – I wanted to live.
So, I chose to do just that.
I immediately stopped all the drugs I was taking – cold turkey. I rode out the painful withdrawal which took me on a road less traveled. The seizures were brutal and the resulting falls left me with loose and cracked teeth, cuts, bruises, several deep gashes on my face and head, and a severe concussion. But I was through the worst and my body was clean.
Yet, I still wasn’t strong enough, I could barely wash myself. I remember thinking, how am I supposed to get well now? Am I even alive? I was a little frightened, but I was even more determined to get well. I just had to take the first step.
Shining my light to brighten yours
This journey has been challenging, an adventure to be sure, but it has also been fun! I feel proud of myself because I figured out how to change my circumstances (manifestation!) and was able to make incredible breakthroughs to amazing levels of health and energy. I also had to earn back respect from my family, as trust was broken. How did I do that? By becoming the person I aspired to be. By turning inward and starting to love, rather than ‘hate’, myself.
To help create a world where every individual learns, understands and feels their true intrinsic value, and begins to shine their light from deep within to brighten other people’s lives.
When you can understand that you are not only enough – you’re also perfect, then you’re on your way. Even if it is difficult to believe right now, you’ll get it! But the only way to get there is by going inward, understanding your value and how important you are to this world. When you realize you have a choice to not live in fear but with hope, then you can shine your light and live each day the way you choose to. And until you’re ready to fly, I’m here to hold your hand.
So, join me, and take the first step toward going inward to find your beautiful light, and then shine your light for the whole world to see!
Shining my light to brighten yours,